Will you be able to be their god? Decide their fate without them?
It's so easy to think that you will be able to go through with it. But then, you get to that room. They're in their carrier, looking at you with questions and fear in their eyes. I talked to Tigtig. I read her the form giving my consent for the vet to kill her, choking on tears. She heard none of it. She had no idea what would happen before the hour was over. She just knew I was there, acting strange. I almost didn't sign. I almost said we should wait and brought her home. I called my husband, secretly praying he would say we should wait until he could attend. But he was at work and couldn't pick up. I had to rely on our past discussions, where we agreed she was too frail to move again. We agreed it was her time. She was in too much pain. And so I signed the form. I picked cremation. I sat in a quiet room with her for fifteen minutes, petting her, talking to her. Then they came in and gave her the sedative. She passed out immeditaely, on a comfy cushion, as if she were merely asleep. I watched them give the last drug. I watched her stomach slowly stop rising and falling. I sat as the vet told me she had passed. After a few quiet moments, I got up and went home alone.