Yes

No

For Bento, Ryland and I went together. Ryland was the one who would later carry his limp body out to the car. We dug the hole together, talking about stories and crying. We went home and cried more. For Tigtig I was alone. I left her at the vet's to be cremated. I ran home, screamed into the empty kitchen until I retched, packed a bag, and went to stay with my parents for the evening. Mom and I sat and talked about her. We talked about Bento. We talked about Chopper. About a fishtank I had when I was nine. About the parakeets I had in middle and high school. About the finches I had in college. I cried more in the bathroom when they weren't watching.